Monday, September 10, 2007

Praise is a bad thing?

I was reading some of my old teacher books and came upon this information. I think it makes a lot of sense and I would like to pass it on for your consideration. See what you think-
"...early childhood practitioners have identified many drawbacks to praising children. ...praise leads to dependence on adults because it encourages children to rely on authority figures to solve problems for them and to evaluate what is right, wrong, good, or bad. ...praise can discourage children's efforts, have a negative effect on self-image, and place students on the defensive." "Praise is not conducive to self-reliance, self-direction, or self-control. If the authority figure, ...can judge positively, thy can also judge negatively. To judge at all implies superiority and takes away from the children's power to judge their own work."
This info comes from "Suporting Young Learners 2" by High/Scope Press.
Okay so what are supposed to do about that? What should we be doing instead and how can saying positive things really be bad?
I started pondering on this and you know I think I have to agree. When Heavenly Father compliments us (and I understand He and His son have every right to judge us...duh) He usually says that he is well pleased with us and specifically points out what we have done well. That is totally different than saying, "Good job, Pam." He leaves me with no doubts about what he likes and I have found that to the contrary he teaches me the correct principles and lets consequences happen to help me learn what not to do. He doesn't complain about me or criticize or put me down. He teaches me and then lets me choose, knowing full well that the consequences must be issued accordingly.
Children must be taught right and wrong. How blessed I am to have the gospel in my life. I do not ever have to guess about what is right or wrong. Teach, teach, teach is one of our primary roles as parents. Of course we do it in the most loving way possible.

...the point is to not set ourselves up as judges over our children, other children, or anybody else for that matter. Hmmm, where have I heard that before?

Here are some things you CAN and SHOULD do:
1) participate in their play
Really play with them and involve yourself in what they are doing or are interested in. And as adults how great is it when someone shows interest in something we like to do and participates in it with us?
2) encourage children to describe their efforts and products
Ask them to talk about what they are doing? Would you like to tell me about your picture? Again, as adults doesn't it feel so good to have the chance to talk about something you have done?
3) acknowledge children's work or ideas by making specific comments
So the next time you are tempted to say, "good job," don't. Concentrate on their work and make comments such as, "Look at all the colors you used in your drawing. I see lots and lots of squiggly lines. You covered the whole page with art."

I think I will try very hard to always notice all the good things I possibly can and acknowledge those good works in positive ways, real building ways. Sometimes I think it is enough, no, I believe that it is better to let someone know that you noticed. What better feeling can there be to understand that someone cared enough to notice and tell you about it? No wonder thank you is so powerful.