How Divine

There are certain things about Michigan that are absolutely heavenly-divine. I missed those things so much when I lived in Idaho and now I am experiencing them again with a renewed sense of wonder.
I don't think I have ever taken things for granted. Even the many years I lived here, I appreciated them but somehow they have become even more precious. It adds to the magic when I experience them through the eyes of my grandchildren.
We have just had a few hot muggy days. The air is so thick, it seems like it is hard to breathe. You get out of a nice cool shower and you are still sweating. Without air conditioning, you learn to bear it always aware that a change is inevitable, but nevertheless, still the air is oppressive. (My great hope is to one day be one of those little old ladies that wears a sweater all summer long. Seems like impossible to me...but maybe someday...)
So after a few hot, heavy days, we woke up to a delightful breezy morning in the sixties. As I took my early morning walk I thought how blissful this was. The breeze was constant and the temp was so divine I thought this must be heaven. We are supposed to have nights in the 50's and days up to 70/80. It couldn't be sweeter.
We all went to the market this morning for the last of the strawberry harvest. I need a strawberry shortcake fix. If that isn't truly divine, I don't know what is. BUT we soon found all the vendors with sweet cherries as well. Emma was insistent and I was in total agreement.
So the pictures are self-explanatory. It was a glorious, sweet, amazing, delightful, happy, divine kind of a day...and it isn't even half over. Michigan is like that sometimes.

What was I thinking?

I had a great weekend. It was busier than my normal ones. I seemed to be constantly coming or going somewhere. I had the opportunity to babysit Emma and Tanner Sat. night and for some reason I decided that we should go out as well. This is not my normal thought pattern. Usually I am all about a nice quiet (ha, ha) evening at home with the children, but for some reason I deviated from the norm and decided we should have a night out too. So the big plan was to get some kids meals, go to the school playground, get some ice cream, head back home for baths and bed. I think that sounded pretty easy, well thought out and manageable. Little did I know that the whole evening would turn out just a little different.
I always over do it. And to remain consistent with this particular weakness I got too much food. Well, I was uncertain what they really would eat, so I got a little of everything. Which in the end proved not only wasteful but somewhat of a blessing.
So on to the playground. We parked a little ways off, at the library. Emma immediately started insisting that she didn't want to go to the library and that she DID want to carry her chocolate milk. Upon hitting the pavement Tanner took off in the wrong direction, toward the sprinklers and wide open spaces while I tried my best to balance the too many bags of food I had purchased. Luckily, Tanner stopped short when he hit the sprinklers and re-routed his escape in the only direction available which happened to be towards me. I grabbed his hand which he protested to - loudly. We were going to make it to the playground, I could see it just ahead. The gate was locked. I couldn't figure out how to open it. Defeat...
So now I had to get the food and two hungry and greatly disappointed darlings back in the car and find some place else. My memory clicked on and I remembered that someone had told me about a really nice playground at Muskegon State Park. That sounded terrific. Beach and playground. How could I go wrong?
In the ten minutes it took to get there Tanner fell asleep. So Emma and I had a pleasant talk as she insisted that she should be drinking her chocolate milk NOW. What a cruel Grandma I turned out to be, taking it back.
There was no playground at the park, but hey, I got my sticker for the season. (Although I don't know if I really want to go there without a playground.) but we found lovely picnic tables right in the parking lot. There were a couple of trees that were shading the parking spaces to our right, close enough.
I got everything set up. Emma was in heaven with the milk. She wasn't interested in anything else. Thank heaven I didn't show her the toys, she wouldn't have wanted the milk. I woke up a sleepy Tanner and he literally dove into the food. Well the blessing of having too much food was that I had a nice variety. Chicken nuggets...no, french fries (greasy and now cold)...yes - a couple, yogurt...yum. Then Emma was determined to eat the yogurt by herself. Oh course I didn't want to be an over protective, stifling kind of grandma... independence was a good thing. Two seconds later she had somehow turned the yogurt upside down and now it was all on the dirty table. I did not have enough napkins to clean it up and clean up Emma so I chose to clean up Emma (who was looking at her hand like it was diseased and not at all pleasant.) My last hope was the dish of mandarin oranges...a big hit. Tanner squirmed from my lap as I cleaned up Emma. In less than one milliliter of a second his head came up from somewhere down below and he was spitting up sand. His face was covered and his mouth was enjoying a serving size large enough to fill a sippy cup. I got him back on my lap, brushed off the sand as best as I could and before I could take any more steps of recovery, his hands were in the sticky orange juice and gobbling up all the oranges he could. Yuck! I still had my sense of humor and it was pretty funny. We made quite a picture. Then boom! Emma had slipped on the yogurt. She had it all down her arms and it had kerplopped all down my side and all over my shorts. Now we did have a serious problem. I knew I did not have enough napkins to come close to cleaning up this mess. Tanner started his screaming in earnest as I struggled to reason with Emma that we could just wash her off in the lake. Ahh the lake. It was what seemed miles away from us. Tanner wanted the birds. He was screaming and pointing to the birds. Emma needed attention and Tanner was in need of de-sanding.
This is getting pretty lengthy and there is more to tell...oh no...it doesn't stop there. (I'll save part two of this story for another blog.) We made it across the dessert sands to the shore of Lake MI and I got them washed off. Emma's diaper was sagging happily as she pranced along. Tanner skirted the water as much as he could and was not happy about the face wash. But then as I was trailing off behind them, trying to make sure the mishaps did not continue, I looked down and there in the sand were these two sets of footprints. One of a tiny little boy and one of a slightly bigger little girl. I looked behind me to see my own set intertwined with theirs. I stopped to watch them for a moment and soak it all in.
Tanner was pointing to Emma and doing his little grunts. Emma was trying to keep far ahead of him, being the big, independent girl that she is. I yelled for her to stop. I told her I thought Tanner wanted her. She stopped and then Tanner toddled up to her and gave her a hug, a big wet sandy hug around the middle. Emma giggled, happy with the attention. Tanner looked up at her rather expectantly. I wondered what he was thinking. Emma ran a little further and then stopped. She turned to face her little brother as he tried to keep up. Then she flung her arms around him and gave him the most sincere hug and laughed.
What was I thinking to take these two on a date of their own, all by myself? I was thinking exactly what I should be thinking, how lucky I am. What a memory, what a blessing...

Going back in time to my other trip this Spring...

If you want to click on this picture, you can go to the album and it will give you some captions to make sense of these pictures.
This was the trip I took at the end of April/ beginning of May to Hawaii and Ben and Carrie's house in Albuquerque, NM. I hope you enjoy these pictures.

While I was visiting Kaleb, I had the opportunity to go to Temple Square in Salt Lake City. We saw the most wonderful movie about the life of Joseph Smith. After teaching Doctrine and Covenants and Church History this year in Seminary, this movie was the frosting on the cake. It was soooooooooooooooooooooo good. I loved it!

Visit to Utah I had a wonderful time in Utah visiting family. What a blessing they all are to me. I hope you enjoy these photos.

(Just click on the photo above and it will take you to the whold album.)

Too much birthday cake!

Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday. Wow! Sometimes it blows my mind to think I am really this old. My hair is gray, officially, as on the driver's license. My wrinkles are becoming more pronounced and my children and grandchildren are getting older which cannot possibly be happening so quickly. There is evidence all around me and on me that I am reaching THAT age.
How can it be true then that I feel so young inside? My mind refuses to age. Time stands still and although some memories fade, I can still remember so many things like they were truly yesterday. Often I find myself taking the tour of my life, re-living random unimportant events, in a different space and time.
I remember Hillsdale, where I grew up. I loved the big OLD house we lived in. It was absolutely beautiful. We had the corner lot and the neighborhood kids would often gather in our yard to play ball or figure out what we would play. That house was like magic. It had a maid's room (where I got to sleep) and a stairway that led from it to the kitchen. A gorgeous entryway and staircase welcomed guests and family. Large spacious rooms and an attic that would qualify for fairy tales and nightmares. We heard scary things and dreamed things and played so many wonderful childhood games there. I lived in that house from 1st grade all the way through 9th and it holds most of my childhood memories.
I have searched the past...again...and find no regrets. Yes, there are many things I would do a little differently here and there, but for the most part as I search those pages of history I find only gratitude. I am forever grateful for all I have had and all I have now.
There are so many roads that life can take us on. There are so many different directions we can take. Regardless of all the mistakes I humbly have to admit to, I realize that I was trying hard to do the best I could. For any hurt I may have caused to anyone, I am so sorry. Tinkerbell, if you can hear me up in heaven, I never meant to have you escape from off my head when I walked out the door.
The older I get the more I look backwards, perhaps the future is a little too mortal. It is so weird to be 57. Fifty seven birthdays...man that is a lot. So far this year has been one of the best years I have ever had. And I feel like there are some outstanding ones still to come. I can't wait to see what the future holds for me.

Marriage

Lately I've been thinking a lot about marriage. For a long time I didn't think I really deserved a happy marriage. Now I think I do. How does one go about meeting those magnificent available male specimens? I hate single's activities with a passion and since I don't feel like I turn heads, it will most likely continue to be a nightmare. I tried the internet but that, too, didn't fit right. I made a total fool of myself to one of my web-acquaintances.
So...I have begun to pray for him. I have had some pretty serious conversations with my Heavenly Father and I have to say I have some concerns. When a person like me is facing this dilemma, after being married to a man I was madly in love with and then lost, I am compelled to want it all...all over again. I want the new man in my life to be the man of dreams. It isn't enough for me to just have companionship or convenience. With my first husband I had butterflies in my stomach every time he kissed me, for over 22 years...butterflies...every time. It just seems like it isn't worth it, really, unless it is better or at least as good as the first one. Is it? So, do I have the right to be so picky. I would like to think I'm a prize deserving of the man of my dreams but is it really possible to find someone like that?
I have concluded that Heavenly Father knows best what I need and deserve so I'm leaving some of this up to him. I pray every prayer for that special someone that is out there for me. This will be the miracle of my lifetime. I pray also that I will recognize him. Have any of you seen him? I am so happy. And that is the good news to this - that if I never marry I would be happy right where I am.
I hope it is enough to pray myself to marriage because even though I feel ready for a relationship I don't know if I will EVER be ready for another singles' activity.

Changing Roles

I have noticed recently as I have visited my children, that I am resembling the youngest set more and more. I toot and burp without warning, wipe my mouth often so that the drool doesn't run down my shirt, even my physique is turning into a more closely modeled toddler. (You know the big belly hanging out over the waist.) When I hang out with my two and a half year old grand daughter, Emma, we enjoy the same kind of things...a lot. Sometimes we send her mother back to bed and so we are left alone, vegging, watching adorable kid shows that I absolutely love! We always have to have a snack, another significant similarity, and we seem to laugh at all the same jokes. I don't think there is a whole lot of difference between us. I am definitely getting a lot closer to her mind set than I really want to admit. Only difference is I can stay up later and I can drive a car.
When I became a single mom I learned to counsel with my children. There were so few friends and family that I could turn to that understood as well as they did. Poor children. Now, once in awhile, I give out counsel but so much of the time I seek advice from them. Have our roles completely changed, when and how did that happen? And when and how did they get so wise and so smart? Can I take credit for any of that? I don't think so. I think God knew that I would be a single mom and he sent me the cream of the cream of the crop. He knew how much I would need them. It is pretty cool to have kids that you value so much and that you know they will be there to help you maintain some semblance of sanity. It totally blows my mind when we talk and they always seem to say exactly the right thing? Was I ever that way for them? It is equally neat to know that as each of them has chosen a mate, they have chosen well. So I get the benefit of double all that wisdom.
I worry when my grandchildren grow up, who will I play with then? Maybe I will be around to enjoy them as adults and they will be willing to wipe my chin, giggle when I toot, feed me yummy treats, and watch silly shows with me.
Meanwhile I'll work a little harder at dropping the tummy tire and keeping my mental status a little above preschool. But I'm not giving up those TV shows or the mountains of laughter I share with them.

Blessings, blessings

I love painted toe nails. I used to love my feet. I thought they were the best part of me. Now my big toes point a little the wrong way and I have this annoying bump that gets in the way of my favorite shoes and my heels need constant scraping. It sure is easy to see all those imperfections as a constant reminder that I'm not very perfect, even my once thought (probably only by me), beautiful feet... but...Man, I sure am blessed that I can stand and walk and run, at times, and still bend over enough to paint my toe nails.
I don't know anyone more blessed than me. I am not sure why I of all people on this planet should hold the record for the most blessings. I feel kind of sorry for the rest of the population. But I am humbly grateful beyond words.
Besides the obvious, painted toenails, my family tops the list closely followed by the faith I love and cherish. Well I suppose they are really a tie, top of my list together. I don't think I could love my family quite as much as I do without the gospel to give me clarity and perspective. I owe it all to my Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ. They are the gospel and the root of my faith. I don't want to sound too churchy but when I start to count my blessings, each little thing and each big thing, I always end up back here...the Father and the Son. It is truly where all my blessings begin and where all my gratitude returns.
Will I be able to have painted toenails in Heaven? Maybe I'll just settle for big toes that point the right way. Blessings, blessings...Thank heaven!

Am I boring you?

My children have asked me to start blogging again. I don't think they really know what a boring proposition that might end up to be. But who cares right? They don't have to read it all. I am trying to think how to put pictures on. That may have to wait until I get home. I have had a lovely stay in Utah with Kaleb and family. I have several visits with Steve. They have all given me quite a vacation. I have loved spending time with the kids. They are getting so much older and love to play with their new friends in the neighborhood. They are outside all of the time when they can. They have a trampoline (thanks to Spencer's good nighttime habits) in the backyard and the nextdoor neighbor's have one as well along with a great swingset and sandbox. So if they stay in the back yards they have a great place to hang out. All the kids seem to come here and there is usually a crowd out there. Celeste is the cutest thing, pronounced belly with an outie belly button. She is full of personality and doesn't want to be left out of anything. She loves wearing jewelry and is talking and dancing and running after Roz and Spence. How cute, how fun they are.
Steve is doing great in school. I am so excited for him. He says he has been a lot homesick, but it helps having Kaleb and Suz here. He loves this area and will probably always stay in the west. (Just watch he'll marry someone from the midwest and move back, ha, ha) He is working hard earning money and trying to prepare for his future. He told me he has learned so much this past year. He really appreciates his family. Good to hear. So what did he want from me? Home cooked meals. Big breakfast and chicken divan and shrimp alfredo. I taught him how to make it so that he can impress his roommate and any special girls that happen along.
It has been an awesome trip. I am such a lucky person.

Visits

I have been blessed so much. I am so grateful that I am in a position that I actually can travel and visit my children and their families. It is so fun to be a grandma. I went shopping the other day. I wanted to buy my grandchildren a little toy to play with because it is so fun to spoil them...just a little. It was a discovery store and so there were so many cool toys. (I would like to buy them all for myself.) But the really great thing was that as I went up and down the aisles I found myself saying, "Rozlyn would like this, Spencer would really enjoy this, Ryen would have so much fun with this, Emma would get a kick out of this, wouldn't Benson like to have this? etc." It struck me later that I was so grateful that I knew my grandchildren well enough to know what they like. Now...granted any of the stuff was cool and probably would have been fine for any of them, but what a blessing to know them well enough. It has always been my dream to be a part of my grandchildren's lives. I have always wanted to really know them. I pray that as the years go by the Lord blesses me to always be able to know them well enough. As I left that store with my arms full I cursed myself for my obsessive ways and walked the 30 minutes back to the car, sweating profusely. I guess if you're going to be THAT kind of a grandma you should at least park a little closer.

When life gets in the way

Doesn't it seem like we all are just merrily (or grumpily sometimes) tromping along life's roadway? We hit a few ruts and stumble a bit, maybe we hit our big toe on a rock and need a band aid, but for the most part we're making progress. We are doing our own thing on our own special path, enjoying the scenery, and then life hits us. It seems usually to involve our spouse or kids or a dear friend or someone at work, or a family member who reminds us that we aren't the only one on the path. They bisect our path and the collision causes hurt and sometimes worse. Now no one means to cause problems for anyone else. It is just a matter of life: paths intersecting paths. In my life it seems there is always drama, drama, drama. When life happens I can choose to embrace it and enjoy the ride (as I get lambasted off the trail, sideswiped and thrown at least a hundreds yards in the air, off course) or I can fight against it and complain and bemoan my situation. I am glad to report that I am getting better at dealing with life's detours and hopefully am getting a little better at having compassion and a great sense of humor. I don't know how much longer my path is, but what I have learned...perhaps the most important thing is that hanging on to the love that keeps me grounded on my path is the best thing. It helps the healing of those ouwies and allows me to look at things with a more eternal perspective.

Can Pam come out and blog?

Well... what do you say Mom?